nuances of being

distance

in writing academically, there is a certain kind of objectivity that one must take. i never realized how hard it would be to write about one's own culture, one's own sense of self -- and then to categorize, dissect and analyze it. which is why i had so much difficulty writing a paper that was (i felt) a summation of all the things that were covered in my majors seminar, living the 'diaspora'. to fully involve myself in an argument that i feel i live and inhabit each day, to answer an argument that i have no conclusive answer to because... i am still trying to figure it out and the process of figuring it out is just as important as the 'answer'. and perhaps there is no 'answer', but simply the lessons that are learnt while i go through the process of understanding myself, my ethnicity, my culture, my experience as someone who is _________. it just makes me to wonder, can we not simply define ourselves by our ancestry and situate ourselves in the places that we have been? can we not simply be satisfied with our experiences? why (the hell) is it so hard to write about ourselves and our own experiences?

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i realize that i'm the type of person who really enjoys having a list of goals or something to look forward to. though much of my university career has been defined as 'going with the flow', i think that i need to stop. (i feel also that i'm starting to become a broken record through this blog, like i'm a character in a novel who knows what they should do but doesn't do it and frustrates the reader so much they either stop reading or keep reading cos they have this tiny little hope that the character will eventually figure it out, cos it just seems that i'm fixated on certain themes. if you could analyze me like a character in a novel, i bet you would come up with certain themes like "angst", "anxiety about the future", "list-crazy", "obsessive", "melacholic" and my favourite -- "(terribly) sad".)

am i sad? well, i guess so, but i think that i'm just honest about how most feel in my generation -- a little lost, somewhat confused, and pretty anxious, which makes me feel pretty sad and a bit hopeless as i try to figure out my 'path'. whatever the hell it is. (yay q-life crisis.) and so, here is to making lists and being shamelessly indulgent, as every blogger who blogs about themselves tries very hard (not) to be.

-snowshoeing - done and done. would love to do it again.

additions of things to do:
-dogsledding (sidenote: everytime i bring this up someone has to mention the animal cruelty debate. not that i am criticizing people who believe in animal rights or anything, but frankly, i think there are much bigger problems to worry about than just one singular cause like animal rights. it's rather easy and simple to say, 'don't club baby seals' because yes, those baby seals are so g-damn cute. and isn't it really easy to just take a side without really examining all perspectives on the issue? anyway, i just think that if you really think about it, animal rights is linked to other broader issues, like political instability, the environment/climate change and economics. in order to 'save the animals', one must look at a broader approach than just save the seals cos they're cute.)
-biking
-getting fit (must do cardio)

Posted by unknown at 4/16/2008 11:34:00 PM