forgetting/forgotten/wanting to forget
I suppose this is one of those cyclical things. I just have entered a phase in my life where I simply want to forget certain moments in my life. If I could edit my life much like I can edit the text that I write, I would simply hit 'delete' on certain moments because they are too painful, too laden with emotion and too intricately layered to process. Or perhaps I just feel like this whenever I have to process a break-up, or the loss of something or someone.
It is always hard to lose something, to lose someone. I don't think that I'm really good at dealing with it, but then again, is anyone? Even after we cry and cry until there are no more tears left, the heart still aches and still remembers. The burden of memory still lingers, like a ghost that haunts and claws at your heart, lacerating you with the pain of remembering those scenes of momentary happiness, of blissfulness. And as much as we try to bury it with work, with friends, with more commitments, it still lingers. It still haunts.
It still hurts.
No matter how much I try to put away my feelings of sadness, I simply can't -- they roll in like a never-ending fog, unfurling their tentacles of regret and of loss. I cannot help but smile a little bit sadly when I think about the past, as I am painfully reminded of the irony of it all.
Tears, sadness, and memories. How I wish that I could simply separate the chapters of my life and move on.
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Imagine my elation when I discovered this article:
The Merchant of Melancholy
http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_handler/20080227.html
Eric Wilson is right on the money. I think that our culture has become so obsessed with being happy - and what for? And call me crazy, but I want the same thing that Wilson does - a "sweet sadness", a "life filled with the richness of feeling, a life that can only be lived with the full array of emotions." A life that is sensuous, rich, and complex - the way that life should be lived.
I think I should move to France.
Posted by unknown at 2/28/2008 09:12:00 PM
1 Comments
awww, Nancy. I really love your writing by the way. So I'm glad one of your goals for when there is more time is to write write write. :)
Hm. That is very sad and hurtful. But I'm glad that there is communication for you still.
Those moments may make us want to hit 'delete' because it is too hurtful to stand. But I remember how we were talking about somehow embracing the melancholy or the sadness, and how sometimes that can add to the colours or the richness and fullness of our lives.
Take care and talk to you again soon!
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