it all makes sense now
it is so good to know when something in your life starts to make sense again and that you're really not losing your brains. it's also good to know that you were right all along about yourself and that sometimes the medical profession cannot always explain everything.
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it's also good to know when you need to be alone. or when you should be alone. or when you just want to be alone. there are very few times where i simply just feel that i want to be alone, but the more time that i actually spend alone, the more i realize that i haven't given myself that time or space to really just be alone.
i mean, it's hard to be alone when you have to take care of others, or you have the weight of expectations of others wanting something from you. like using you to bounce questions off of about their love life, a venting machine. using you for the sake of having you around, being seen with you, the model machine. or using you for the sake of a label, the propaganda machine.
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sometimes in life you have to make a choice and take a risk, even though you are fucking scared and do not want to do it. for some reason the adventurer side of me is scared of experiencing something new, of going outside of my comfort zone. though this is far off into the future -- like two years from now -- travelling and living abroad suddenly scares me shitless, though i've wanted to do it for such a long time. i don't really understand it, why i'm suddenly so scared, when i used to be so fearless?
oh how times change.
Posted by unknown at 1/13/2008 09:35:00 PM
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